Square-Face

I grew-up in a world where oval faces, narrow noses and white skin were considered beautiful. Being colonized by Spaniards for centuries, I can understand why we had this kind of mentality for afterall they were considered as the ruling kind while we were the insignificant indios. I for one, felt like an outsider on my own turf. My peers would often make fun of me because of my seemingly odd square face. They'd call me names while I tried to appear unaffected, never giving-in to their infantile gestures. But deep within my bandaged heart, I was truly hurt and I secretly asked myself "what's wrong with me?"

From then on, I began to develop insecurites. I would never sport a pony-tail or even have my hair cut very short. Doing so would mean exposing my true identity, my protruding jaws to be exact. I remember looking at myself in the mirror while cupping my jaws with my hands, seeing a better person before me. I surmised that if I had an oval face, things would be perfect. Then came my puberty, I started having pimples and these weren't any ordinary infiltrators. These were monster zits, the ones that would take months to cure and leave indelible marks, as if ranting "been here!"As a thorn adolescent, things could not get any worst for me. I felt shattered and depressed and just plain UGLY.

I knew that God was sending me a message through this unending turmoil but I was too busy complaining about other things. He then intervened by giving me an oppurtunity to visit the indigenous Aetas of Porac, Pampangga. I noticed how they were so engrossed in me. I remember even one of them saying "you're so beautiful." I could not believe it for if there's any adjective that I would use to describe myself it was far from being beautiful.  They were such simple people, they didn't even have any electricity in their village. They lived in little huts where the floors were flat sand.  Instead of hamburgers and fries, they had fishes and bananas. I cringed upon seeing their condition. Worst was when I saw how happy and content they were.

I was enlightened through that experience and from then on, I knew I had no right to complain. I spent my years focusing on what I didn't have rather than what I did have. I knew that God has endowed me with a lot of gifts and I should start valuing them. The Aetas were living in such ascetism and yet they did not complain, instead they thanked God for the simple reason of living. I may have a better lifestyle than them but what I saw in them was something more than what I had. They were better disciples of God.

Right now, I admit that I loose track at times but I make sure to bare in mind the Aetas and try to be more like them. I stopped doing the cupping-of-the-jaws routine for right about now when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a refurbished soul. Not my square face (which I have grown to love by the way) or my flat nose ( I have outgrown the pimple stage) but a person made in the likeness of God. Amen! ;D

Captain God

Hi I'm Poi and I am a prodigal child.

These past years, I have been engulfed by worldy temptations leading me to a path of lost hopes. I don't know how it started but the devil has his ways in luring you just like those zealous agents in the mall who would low-ball you then kapish! before you know it you're signing-in a contract that you're unsure about. But God is a very patient God, he never gave-up on me, just like a fisherman with futile bate, he kept waiting and waiting until I finally came to notice. Loosing time with God was like loosing my whole purpose in life. I really did loose my focus and direction. Before I was so zestful, so full of inspiration, I was so sure of where I was going and what I really wanted out of life. But after some time when my inner demons took rule in my life, I was totally defeated.

Then came God in the picture. Through His profound ways, He kept ushering me towards the light. An awakening was the time when I got to work with a Korean Girl who was into charity work. I saw the glimmer in her eyes and the sheer realization that she have encountered upon helping in an orphanage at Zanzibar. I could sense peace within her and somehow, I remembered, how much at peace I once was. She advised me to go back to God and everything will be perfect. I knew that all along but what I can not decipher was, what happened to me in between? Some things are so basic but being human, we need a nudge on the head before we can regain consciousness from the trance called temptation.

And now, here I am-- a work in progress. I was once lost but I am finally found. He has been waiting for way too long and I know I owe him my TIME.

Here I am Captain God. It is You taking over;*

The Pen-Loovah

I always had this weird fascination for Pens. Whenever I'm in a bookstore, I halt at the school supplies section eyeing on the array of pens before me. It was heaven for me really, for then and there, I would imagine everything in slow-mo, while a clouded memory of myself swimming in a pool of pens recurrently played in my head. Different colors and ball-points, I didn't care, I just had to have it all. I know its freaky but I guess this abnormal passion boils down to my fascination for writing. And here I am, attempting to make an imprint and bring justice to all the pens that just dried-up and prooved to be insignificant without me even using it. I collected all the pens in the world, some even stupidly lucrative, but it didn't satisfy me at all. Then one day,when my most expensive pen dried-out on me I realized that pens were mere objects, it would only serve its purpose if used wisely. Nothing is permanent in this world indeed but the writings of great men will remain for eons and eons to come.


My fascination remains up to date but this time, I want to make a difference starting with this blog. I may not be a Shakespeare in the making but believe it or not I am like him in a huge way. I have this burning desire within me and I am ready to set it free;b